Written by: Leylie Meh

Edited by: Anya Pan

The contentious Vogue Article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” written by Chanté Joseph discusses an ostensibly novel trend on social media: being single. Through a discussion of the emerging social norms of women’s romantic choices and a shift in cultural desires, the piece proved to divide the Internet and invoke debate over modern female autonomy. This piece will examine the Vogue Article by interrogating the discourse around our shifting romantic lives. Through this framework, my analysis will showcase how the Vogue article serves as a mirror to the ways society and women define our value in relation to men. 

Introduction to the Article 

This article explores a new online “trend”, where having a boyfriend or being in a heterosexual relationship has become construed as socially embarrassing. Josephs explores this new pattern by drawing on how several women influencers and public figures have received criticism for their romantic relationships with men. For example, she points to female influencers indicating they have a boyfriend and receiving comments saying “please don’t get a boyfriend” or self-deprecatingly  admitting that they think of themselves as more boring when they are in a relationship. Furthermore, the article also discusses how this trend is manifested through women being more discreet about their boyfriends on social media, rather than open. Both instances, among others, indicate a growing trend of internalized and explicit judgment towards women entering heterosexual relationships, but conversely, also a welcomed valorization of singlehood. Altogether, Josephs sparks a discussion of how the dynamics of expectations have changed: in the past, having a long-term male partner was sought after and even considered as the ultimate romantic goalpost; however, it is now  less enticing and socially valued. Finally, an important point to note is that Joseph herself does not proclaim that having a boyfriend is embarrassing; she mainly highlights the positive progress that this trend indicates for women. 

Why is this culturally significant? 

Importantly, the Vogue article “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?” sparks an important conversation towards  a new and unforsaken shift within the  long-enduring social dynamics and expectations of women. As the article states, being single is no longer treated with pejorative judgement, but rather is actually beginning to be portrayed as covetable on social media. This indicates a significant shift in our cultural zeitgeist towards gender equality, as it shows that women now have the agency and ability to live independently in Western societies. While this article does indicate a positive shift in terms of increased agency amongst women, it also reveals a somewhat polarizing standard by indicating how  women who choose to be in heterosexual relationships are now treated with less distinction. 

Positive Cultural Implications 

Through showing how social media has created this new narrative of “having a boyfriend is embarrassing”, the article does importantly divulge how women are distancing themselves from heteronormative expectations. Joseph accurately highlights how women used to receive social rewards for “being able to find a man and keep him”, and contrasts it with current attitudes towards relationships, where it almost seems that being single indicates a more “superior” status. On the surface, this does seem like a positive change for the project of feminist liberation. As Joseph highlights, “women are finally rethinking their blind allegiance to heterosexuality”. We can certainly consider this shifting attitude evidence of a cultural breakthrough;for most of history, women have been defined by their ability to enter and maintain  heterosexual relationships. The fact that the norm is changing (at least within Western societies) indicates that women are slowly gaining the independence and agency required to reject oppressive patriarchal structures. This being said, it can also be argued that this trend is more indicative of increased flexibility, rather than a direct escape from structures of misogyny. 

How might this still reveal patriarchal control?

As aforementioned, women now are receiving a level of online scrutiny for their involvement in heterosexual relationships. Even Joseph states that “There’s nothing I hate more than following someone for fun, only for their content to become “my boyfriend”-ified suddenly.” This negative perspective towards heteronormative relationships doesn’t necessarily indicate a distancing from patriarchal structures, but rather a different way of appealing to them. The patriarchy could be understood as “women’s oppression through male domination”. As Joseph’s  article shows, even when women are trying to reinforce the ideology of “decentering men” in their romantic lives, they still reference the value of women through their  proximity to men. By making men the center of value, the patriarchy enables their status at the top of a gendered  hierarchy. Furthermore, the trend Joseph explores also reveals the double standard that is created by the patriarchy for both women and men. This being the notion that women are defined by their romantic relationship, whereas a romantic relationship for men is often considered a validating  “bonus” to their power and masculine existence, rather than a defining property. As some have argued, this disparity originates from kinship structures, with women being objects of exchange among men, sold from fathers to husbands. This  contemporary notion of a woman having more value without men just demonstrates the other end of the spectrum, with men remaining the symbolic dimension in which women are evaluated. Ultimately, the  trend illustrated by  Joseph, demonstrates not necessarily the eradication of patriarchal structures, but rather their continuation under a reevaluation of romance. 

As seen in Joseph’s article, some women are even worried about getting the “evil eye” or getting  relationships crucified  by Internet spectators in light of this new outlook. This reveals another dimension towards how this trend can be considered a product of remaining patriarchal notions, by interpreting it under the inherent competitiveness that exists amongst women. This claim is not meant as a way of blaming women, but rather revealing the unfortunate fate of being pit against one another within  the hegemony of a patriarchal society. This is seen in professional roles where there are less roles for women to occupy compared to men, but also evident within romantic relationships and online environments. Women are constantly held at this standard of having to be extraordinary in order  to be worthy of being desired or celebrated; this fosters a sense of competition amongst women, who are often labelled as undifferentiated under a patriarchal order. This competitiveness is in complement to evolutionary psychological factors, which wire women to strive for reproductive success. Therefore, this sense of gendered competition could be manifested through the rising trend of  judgment against women who have boyfriends; perhaps psychologically, once women achieve this historically desired standard, they are seen by other women as intimidatingly less “relatable” and maybe even worthy of resentment. Again, this lens reveals that the article’s discussed trend is continued evidence of prevailing patriarchal structures, as instead of devaluing the prominence of heterosexual relationships in our society, we are still giving them high levels of attention by scrutinizing them.

Ultimately, the Vogue article “Is Having a Boyfriend Now Embarrassing?” disguises new trends in romantic occupations as agency, while it shows how women continue to be confined to the oppressive frameworks of patriarchy. Joseph’s article can be interpreted as our society mistaking internalized misogyny and the internalization of  oppressive structures as feminism or progress towards gender equality. Altogether, one can argue that it doesn’t matter how non-traditional these new positions might be, as the underlying logic continues a narrative of women having to define who they are through their relationships with men. Therefore, it is important to look beyond blanket solutions in our path towards gender equity; in order for the feminist project to succeed, it is essential to re-structure the way we socially conceive of women and their autonomy, including women themselves.  

Bibliography

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